I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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