you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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