Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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