I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
