her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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