Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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