I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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