my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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