quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
