i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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