so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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