someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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