so explain again why im purple
no
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
pop tarts are not kleenex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
