I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
