Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
