Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
