Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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