Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so much tequila, so little girl.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Never joke about your clitoris.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
