I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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