the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
