He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
