Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
