No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
