Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
that may or may not have been my penis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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