My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
