I'm jealous of your bromance
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
