I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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