Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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