This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
