WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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