drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize