you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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