We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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