we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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