I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
