I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
