Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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