If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
