I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
