id be glad to
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
