So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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