the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
