People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
