whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
