I just saw a hot homeless man
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
