Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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