There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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