They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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