i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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