Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
