Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
