I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
