Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
