My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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