So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
