I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
