Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
