What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
