I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
