He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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