I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
