I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
