she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
