hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
