Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
