the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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