She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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