I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
