just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
