pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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