and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
