my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
