some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
