There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
