Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
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